One of life's greatest questions is whether we go through life choosing our own path through the choices we make or whether we are destined to live a certain way through fate.  Whats my opinion you ask?  Why thank you for asking bob.  Let me start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.

It all started when i was watching a show that i used to love: So Weird.  The one episode had an interesting concept that i found very appealing to my nature.  The main character wakes up in the morning for good breakfast because she has a big test that day and has a choice of either orange juice or apple juice.  The show then moves to a split screen and shows both of her choices.  On one side she chooses orange juice then heads off to school to take her test and everyone lives happily ever after.  On the other side she chooses the apple juice.  Bad choice.  She ends up spilling her apple juice which forces her to go change her shirt, miss breakfast, and be late for her test which she does bad on.  Now the episode goes off on a tangent with parallel universes crashing and her other self trying to kill her but a tiger appears in her room and saves her.  But lets not go there.  Lets go here.

HERE: From this episode i did some thinking, then did my high school research paper on a similar subject, then came up with my theory on the controversial question.  Fate or choice?  I say both.  Yes i went there.  BOTH!!!  This is how i see it.  We go through life happily. La la la la la. Zip a dee doo da. THEN BAM!!!  We have a choice to make.  Here is where people choose a side: fate or choice.  I take a different road. I say fate BY choice.

When this choice comes along we make a decision based on ourselves. There is no set choice that we are destined to choose.  There is no fate telling us what we are going to choose.  We do that on our own.  However, attached to that choice is, BUM BUM BUM, fate.  We make the decision on our own, but what comes of that decision is already programed to a certain destiny.  When we make a choice the consequences are attached to it and WILL happen because it is fate.  Fate is attached to the choices that we make.  So every person has many different fates but it is up to them to choose what they want.  How does one know what to choose you ask? The Delorean.

I always talk to people and they know what they want to do with their future.  What they want to be, where they want to live, and stuff like that.  And that all seems so nice to have but i like the way i live better.  I dont plan farther than a week in the future unless i need to.  It keeps me calm and open to any change that may come my way.  But what are the criticism with this way of life?  No clear future, no path to follow in life, and no motivation in a direction.

But i dont understand what having a long path towards a future gives you.  You cant really see far enough to see if there are any obstacles in the way and you cant see if the path forks into something better.  Its hard to change your plan for the future when it is rooted so deep into you.  I see the future as far as i can see and thats it.  I like to live in the present or as close to it as possible.  Why must i strive for a goal 60 years in the making?

However i do have one long term goal in life.  To live to be 111.  Which i will accomplish in 33,587 days 8 hours and 19 minutes.  But this is more of a way to live longer than a goal in life.  I figure that if I want to live that long then it will happen because we die because we accept it as an inevitability.  So until i reach 111 i accept dying as impossible.  So its not so much as a goal as it is an acceptance of what will happen.

But besides this my goals are minimal and dont look to far into the future.  And I really dont see much wrong with that.

Its seems to be a pattern in my life and I'm guessing in most gay guys lives as well, but why do straight guys think that we are lying about being gay?
Lets start from the beginning of this predicament shall we
We shall

First there is the initial meeting of the straight guy.  Maybe he a friend's boyfriend or brother.  Upon meeting me I can tell they are a bit in question with the world.  I notice the look of "Is he gay or straight?"  Then after a bit they come to a conclusion. Gay. And now it is set in their mind and for some reason they have to either tell someone so that they can look cool or say make dumb ass comments while snickering while i am in clear view and can hear everything.  After their masculinity goes up a bit by making rude comments we move on to stage 2.

Next there is the finding out that I really am gay guy.  One would think their reaction would be one of "Oh I figured."  But no.  Something in their not so bright mind of theirs breaks down and their reaction is "WHAT THE F*CK?!?!  THAT CANT BE TRUE!!"  How I ask do they get there. If they were so sure before how does telling them that they were right make them question it.  I guess it is one life's great questions.

In a normal case the guy would then accept the gayness and move on with his life.  But in some special occasions the non-queer guy goes absolutely crazy and takes everything a step further into the beyond section in bed bath and beyond.  Let us say that a friends boyfriend goes through the first two steps and wants to take it further like many before him.  What would he have to do you ask?  I will tell you.  He  goes paranoid.  He starts to think that the gay guy is PRETENDING to be gay to get close to his girlfriend in order to steal her away from him.  And for some reason this is incurable once they get to this point.  I can make out with a guy in front of him or put makeup on but no.  Nothing will convince them that they are just being paranoid and that I am actually just gay.  Maybe it is because they dont think being gay can exist or maybe they are just a lesser species that cant comprehend complex things. 

I mean honestly, what straight guy would actually pretend to be gay to get a girl.  What straight guy would make out with a guy to prove he is "gay" in order to steal someone else's girl?  If they want the girl that bad then they would use easier methods like flirting alot or roofies.  It just seems dumb to me that someone would think that someone who is gay is just pretending because he wants something out of it. ugh!

so now that I'm 19 (and because Nikole pressured me into it) i have a blog!!
and this counts as my Christmas present to all humanity
so you're welcome in advance!

This weekend:
AWESOME
went up to Davis with Caitlin and Lauren to visit Kristy
saturday was a bomb ass party
i was a beer pong master
but didnt drink any cuz its yucky
my excuse for not drinking beer was that i was allergic
they believed me
i stuck to my hard alcohol like the gay i am

then when i got home today i come to notice something different in my room
a huge tv was placed next to my bed
thanks J.C.
now all i need is a fridge and cable and ill be set
so get to praying!!!